It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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