I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
