so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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