he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
