You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
