when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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