thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
