im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
