i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
