Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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