Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
