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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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