Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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