No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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