pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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