WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
