woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
