I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
