people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
