I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
