I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
