Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
