I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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