Betty ford says i'm here all night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
