I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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