They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
