You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
