Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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