Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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