Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love you.
Bad choice
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