Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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