I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
