And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
