i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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