a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
