explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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