I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
