I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
