I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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