i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
