I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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