I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
