i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
