She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
