At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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