with your own penis?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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