she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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