She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
