OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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