can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
