It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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