The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love having hate sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
