i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
