Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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