She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
