i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
