you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
