I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.