Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
