but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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